Afraid of Not Getting Pregnant

I received this email from a patient today:

“Just an FYI... after my GI bug 2 weeks ago, I had horrible epigastric pain for about 10 days.  My fatigue that had started after ovulation last cycle has continued.  I had an upper respiratory infection which began on the day of my insemination on Monday.  I am starting to feel better (as far as the cold) but now I have dark circles under my eyes which had gone away in the last couple of months.  My skin is still pretty good and I am sleeping better.  I don't really have any irritability and only become depressed when I find out month after month that I am not pregnant.  The depression is not a premenstrual symptom.  I feel like I am going backwards.  Also, in my reading I have come across a few other herbs that I have questions about...would huang qi or shan yao help me?  The GI bug and the cold are unusual, as I rarely get sick”

I am sharing this email correspondence because it illustrates so clearly how the journey can sometimes go as my patients are trying to conceive.  Nobody comes to me at the beginning of the journey though I wish they would. They come to me when everything they have tried has failed and they are ready to give up but they are going to try one last weird thing… Chinese herbs.

Here is my response back to her. I want to address everything that is concerning her:

“When you have a GI bug it can really drain you. Make sure that you eat really well and you should take a probiotic to get the intestines back in order.

I don't think that Huang Qi would be good for you. It can create a lot of bloating and heat. I have added American Ginseng to your formula in hopes of increasing your energy. Shan Yao is good but it is pretty mild.

The dark circles around your eyes are coming from a "Kidney" deficiency not a "Spleen" Qi deficiency. Lots of herbs in your formula address this. You are not slipping backwards. You just had a GI bug.

Make sure that you get a lot of sleep. This is going to help the most.

I know what you mean about feeling depressed about not getting pregnant. I wish there was something that I could say or give you that could take this depression away but you have a real reason for this feeling. If we take away this feeling it wouldn't give the full respect that this feeling deserves. We can't drug away or herb away your longing for another child. You have this feeling that there is a baby wanting your love and you can't seem to get to this little soul. The thought of this makes me want to cry and I haven't even met you in person..

I will tell you something personal about me as it might help you. I was never able to have children myself. I had ovarian cancer. I am fine so don't give a thought to this part of the story. I couldn't believe that I was never going to have children when I was struggling with this. I LOVE kids and I wanted one of my own. I thought my life would be horrible without them in my life every day. All of this happened a long time ago for me(I am much older than you). Anyways, now I have to admit that it is completely okay that this never happened for me. I LOVE my life and there doesn't even feel like there is a big hole in it like I thought I would always feel.

I am telling you this to let you know from personal experience that no matter what happens for you around this, you will be okay. I hope that you can find the place inside of yourself that knows what I am telling you is true. Perhaps you need to go off by yourself, preferably in nature which will remind you that nature is much bigger and wiser than we are, and connect to your inner wise woman who can trust that you will have an amazing life no matter what happens with all this. I think it might give you peace so that you can continue this journey without letting the depression and fear take over.”

And this is how she responded back:

“Thank you for your very kind words and all the effort you have put forth in my behalf. Your words made me cry.  I consider myself very lucky to have your support in this journey.  I appreciate your compassion and most of all your honesty.”      

The truth is that she is right. I do everything I can to help my fertility patients. I have so much compassion for their difficult and lonely journey. 

Fertility Herbalist
Patricia Karnowski M.S.O.M.

910-420-2194
www.fertilityformulas.com

Office Hours: Monday thru Friday 9am to 7pm EST